Actually, I’d rather not be opinionated. I am unfortunately, as anyone who follows my Facebook page realizes. I don’t come off as compassionate (which when I am face to face, is a different ballgame), which is what it’s like when you try to be sarcastic on Facebook; it just doesn’t come off. That is where I find myself. And where others see me. Sigh.
Sometimes I feel rather trapped when I have to sit and face my own stuff. I have no place to run, but everything in me does exactly that to not have to face up to it. However, I learned an interesting technique yesterday that helps one stop running: acknowledge where you are. Sounds simple huh? The point the author made was a little more detailed. First, he was stressing that you need to get to the point of hopelessness. Americans and religious people don’t like to hear that. His picture was though, that the bad “habits,” those ways of being that we have, are imprisoning. Isn’t all of our addictive and escaping behaviors really about avoiding our negatives? For me it is.
So I need to be in this cell, to imagine it. I might as well make myself at home, relax into it. Decorate it a bit. There is no Shawshank Redemption. This is raw. I have the time, so start looking at what got me here. My opinionated nature. Thinking I’m right. Does it matter if I am? If it conflicts with compassion, then my being right can be dead wrong. And it does. There are some on the political spectrum I would just as soon remove as say hi to. Okay, that’s a bit extreme. Across the digital divide though it’s an easy attitude to pick up. I want to scream and shout and slap the shit out of some people for being so callous and stupid, and whaddya know, I’m just like them. That’s my issue, and since I’m in this damn cell, I might as well look at what got me here. Or I can throw myself at the walls, continue my screaming and stupidity and ranting while in here.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that the way out is looking at the issues. Sort of. However, it will not be pleasant. When you have given up all hope for being saved, then you will have saved yourself. So, imagine if you will that your hope is a handful of rice grains. Every time you look at yourself and see how hopeless it is, you get to drop a grain. What you will find is that a hope emerges that, at that next to last grain, BOOM, your answer will be there. Don’t do that. At least that’s what I was told, and I have been here before with other issues. It is not pleasant. You must let go of that last grain. And relax into as you do so.
For me, do I really think that holding onto my opinions matters that much? Who the hell am I? I am another voice, but just another voice at the same time. I’ll tell you what matters: loving those around me. Loving myself. And what stops that? Another life sentence I’ve created, and I’m in this cell jumping around like a mad monkey. So on top of being opinionated…..
I have a lot to look at, and plenty of time to do so. Being open hearted means I cannot choose who to be open hearted with. My opinions mean little, and my judgements even less. My open heart means a lot. The path there is through the prison cell.