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and I choose to stay with my pain.

Not an easy choice after a lifetime of running from it, hiding it, denying it, transferring it, changing it into anger. Sitting in meditation with it is quite the challenge. Not typically what one is taught in new agey type meditation.

I have caused a lot of suffering in my life, for myself and others. I’m not happy about that. It is in some regards, what it is. I need to resolve what I can, and just be with it. It too will pass, but I am aware that my consequences are a result of the choices I have made. And some were made in anger, some in blind pain, some I still can’t figure out. Some still need to be made.

And those choices, made in vulnerability, need to be considered on the basis of what will make me happy and what will make me feel good, and what is beneficial for myself and others. Vulnerability has a great aspect in that if I want to live here, it makes me live in the present, where I can learn, sometimes with others, those skills to make those decisions.

My choice is to keep an open heart, and all that entails. That’s where I am this morning.

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